What do you get the man that hates everything?

Today represents the anniversary of my esteemed housemate and fellow bastard rancher ripping from his mother’s loins and bursting upon this innocent world like some crazed demon spawned from the pits of hell. Maybe that’s where he was spawned, it would explain a few things. I don’t know what type of bars his mother used to hang out at but maybe they were actually in the pits of hell or even maybe Ringwood (insert you own observation/witty rejoinder here). Probably not though, she seems like a lovely women. But enough about the wellspring of this entity that doesn’t solve my problem, namely what do you get the man that hates everything? And just as importantly do you give your housemate a birthday present even if you’re a pair of hard grizzled grizzly grizzly bears with bad grizzly attitudes?

Bloke on bloke etiquette is so awkward. I ain’t taking man love here I’m talking love of your fellow man. The fact of the matter is that I do live with the guy so you’d figure this wouldn’t be an issue but it took me ages to buy him the Bob Dylan autobiography for Christmas (which I thought he’d really like) because I felt very ‘sissy’ buying something that might give some serious enjoyment rather than going something wacky and pointless-probably with a giant pair of hooters featured somewhere on said item. I’ve found this a constant quandary when buying gifts for my nearest and dearest male friends. Is this normal? Is this the way of the cock bearing among us or am I just traumatised from being labelled a ‘gay cunt’ so many times at High School because I was artsy that I’m afraid that any gesture that could be interpreted as affection could have me once again tasting my own blood as my head is slammed into a locker door?

That said, the young gentleman in question did correct me on my last post and with an ego as towering as my own being corrected is enough to induce rage. Maybe I should forget the birthday present and wait till he dares correct me again and then give him a hunting knife and wrap it in his rips.

Ahhhh, I guess that’s a little tough on someone’s birthday. I hope he’s birthday is full of everything that brings him joy…getting drunk, getting laid and doing cool shit. (oh, and of course stepping on the throats of those that anger him.)